What if I'm Really in Love with You?
by Red Rascal
Summary: One fine afternoon, Ayako contemplates her feelings toward a certain Ryota Miyagi...


_Title:_  What if I'm Really in Love with You?

_Author:_  Red Rascal

_Email:_  micchyinred14@crazysexycool.com 

_Genres:_  General

_Pairings:_  Miyagi/Ayako

_Rating:_  PG

_Disclaimer:_ This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Takehiko Inoue, IT Planning and Toei Animation.  No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  The only character I own here is Hitomi Yoshida.

_Summary:_  One fine afternoon, Ayako contemplates her feelings toward a certain Ryota Miyagi…

Dedicated to all Miyagi/Ayako writers and lovers out there…

******

Now my heart starts beating triple times 

_With thoughts of loving you on my mind_

_I can't figure out just what to do_

_When the cause and cure is you_

_~ Weak, SWV_

"Standing waves are the result of interference of two waves traveling in the same medium but in the opposite direction…"

Scribbles.

"In a standing wave pattern points of zero vibrational amplitude are called nodes…"

Scribbles again.

"In between two successive nodes in a standing wave pattern is an antinode.  The distant…"

I stifle a yawn.  Physics 104 is really boring.  Not to mention that it's past twelve in the afternoon, just the perfect time to take a nap.  Oh, and we also have a REALLY boring teacher who closely resembles a matchstick with ridiculously big square eyeglasses resting somewhere in his head.  

Okay Ayako, stop being rude.  

But really, he is…

Change topic.  Cupping my chin and resting my elbow in the table, I turn my gaze outside the window, ignoring the completely boring lecture for a while. 

My eyes fall down on the basketball court.  As usual, we'll have our daily practice down the gym after school.  We've still got three days till our game against Ryonan.  It'll be the "decision game" as the winner will be the one who'll go in the Inter-High along with Kainan.  The team has really practiced a lot harder ever since our lost against Kainan.  I thought that it would be difficult in getting their confidence back after our lost.  But to my big surprise and amazement, the team just got more determined and driven to win our next game. 

With a small smile on my face, I finally look away from the window and unexpectedly settle down on Ryota Miyagi.

Dark brown and curly hair.  Black eyes.  Height, 168 cm.  Weight, 59 kg.  Position, point guard.  Jersey no. 7.  Shoe brand, Converse.  I smirked.  Yes, I know EVEN the brand of his shoes.  And guess nobody will be more surprised if I tell them I even know his birthday.  July 31, how can I forget.  

Then suddenly something glimmers in the sunlight.  His signature green stud in his left ear.  My smile grows a fraction more.

Everyone knows that Ryota likes me.  It's—HE'S too obvious!  Okay, he more than likes me.  Well… might be crazy over me even.  Alright, obsessed.  And everyone just assumes that I don't care a bit just because I don't respond to his advances.

Goodness!  If they only know!

Of course, I'm not a stone for crying out loud!  I'm human, more so, a GIRL at that.  Certainly I can see his efforts and sense his liking toward me!  And I undoubtedly appreciate everything Ryota does for me.  Yes… I am very grateful for… Oh hell, who am I kidding?

I absolutely completely totally LOVE Ryota's attention!

I think he is undeniably cute.  He is so adorable when he blushes and stammers it never fails to make me smile. (Well, I do have to hide it most of the time.)  Sometimes I find myself staring only at him, watching his every move, every dribbles and shoots he make, noticing the familiar mischievous gleam in his eyes, taking down his developments… and of course simply basking in his admirable plays and unique cuteness.  He's one handsome guy, I have to admit, and I really REALLY find his distinctive green earring VERY sexy.

He is so great in and out of the court.  In my own opinion, he's one of the excellent point guards in Kanagawa.  Sure, there's Maki of Kainan and Fujima of Shoyo but Miyagi of Shohoku has something they lack.  Speed.  REALLY fast speed.  Ryota is the fastest runner on the court I've ever known and seen in the whole district.  Sure he's small but I think that just adds as an advantage to his skill. 

Also, he's very sweet and thoughtful.  Sometimes after practice, when he still has the energy, he would offer to walk me home, which of course I would always (gladly) accept.  And I have to fight the urge to show him my biggest call-me-bimbo-or-giggly-but-I-just-love-it-when-you-do-that-and-I-think-you're-really-sweet smile, instead I would just smile a bit and nod.  And then he would insist that he'd carry my bag too even if his is already quite heavy.  And while we're walking, he would always chat and talk and tell me stories in a jovial mood like he didn't practiced at all and he was still very much charged.  And there was this one time when I arrived at school and found a box of my favorite chocolates lying in my table.  And there was no occasion.  I almost squealed in delight when I found out it was from him.  Well, almost.  I could still remember how our conversation went that day, when I asked him about it:

Me: Did you really put this on my table? (holds up the box)

Ryota: (stammers a bit, blushing) Uh… yes Aya-chan.  I hope you're not… mad.

Me: Why would I be mad? (smiles)  I think this is really—uh…

Pause.

Ryota: Really what Aya-chan?

(I was biting my lip)

Me: I think this is really sweet. (smiles more at him and I bet I was blushing too)

Ryota: (eyes widened and grinned from ear to ear) Really Aya-chan?

Me: (nods) But why give me this?  What's the occasion?

Ryota: (still grinning and shrugged) Nothing really.  Just feel like it.

Me: Thank you. (now fighting the urge to hug him then and there)

Ryota: (blushing) Anything for you my—er… Aya-chan!   

I know he was about to say "my Aya-chan".  I know it!  Oh.  My.  God!!!

Okay, Ayako remember you're still in class.  You're not in your own room back at home so you can't shriek like an idiotic girl for as long and as loud as you want.  Get a hold of yourself.

Right.  See?  He's sweet!

How I wish I could say to him what I really feel.  Wait, what do I really feel?  Am I…

Am I in love with him?

I don't know.  I haven't been in love before because of course I didn't have any boyfriend still so basically I don't know if what I feel is love or just a crush or merely an admiration.  Whatever.  Just as long as he's there, I'm contented.

Ah… Ryota, why do you have to be so damn cute and sexy?!

"Class dismissed.  Don't forget to answer your textbooks on pages seven to fourteen…"

Oh, Physics has ended.  Finally.  I hadn't noticed how much time has passed by.  Because I was too busy drowning myself with thoughts of a certain Ryota Miyagi.  Not that I'm complaining anyway. 

My classmates start to stand up and walk around and chat.  But I'm not in the mood to stand up or do anything.  For the moment, I just like to sit and do nothing…but probably stare more at Ryota.  I smile.  Good thing he's in front of me.  

Speaking of whom, he now seems to be engrossed in a conversation with his seatmate.  He's even making gestures with his hands…

"You can be so bloody obvious yet you still deny it," a voice suddenly pipes in.

I turn around to see Hitomi Yoshida, my seatmate, leaning on the table to my right, watching me closely.  

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

She smirks then nodded toward Ryota.  "You like him don't you?"

I roll my eyes.  Hitomi never fails to be so indiscreet.  "How many times do I have to tell you and everyone else that I don't have anything toward him?" I lie.

"And how many times do I have to tell you the whole thing's so openly obvious?!  Miyagi stares at you like you're the very goddess Venus who flew down from Olympus and you stare at him back with that bloody LOOK in your eyes," she says exasperatedly.  

"I don't have the 'bloody look' anywhere," I retort.  

"Oh yes you do have the 'bloody look' deary," Hitomi insists.

"What kind of look is that anyway?"

"It's the I'm-in-love-with-you-but-I-just-can't-say-it-to-you look."

I sigh wearily.  Damn, this is harder than I thought.  "I'm not in love with him."

I watch her shook her head.  "Why are you so damn hard-headed?  Why can't you just say it to him?  Honestly!  You don't have to fear rejection because Miyagi is clearly in love with you and I do think that he'll gladly return your feelings if only you will—"

"No Hitomi you don't understand."  It's not that easy.

"Then please clear the matter to me.  What's the problem in this picture?  You're undoubtedly meant for each other."

That stops me.  We're meant for each other?  I look at her.  "You think so?"

Hitomi sighs loudly and tiredly.  "Are you THIS dense?!  Have you been just listening to what I've just said a few seconds ago?"  She gives me a look.  "You're still here with me, right?"  Then she knocks on my head, like it's some door.  

"Hitomi quit it!" I swat her hand away.

She nods her head vigorously.  "To answer your nonsense question, YES I do think so.  Everybody knows so!"

I turn away from her only to fall down on Ryota once more.  Only this time, he is staring back.  Has he been watching me all the while?  Or maybe…

Has he heard anything, everything Hitomi and I had been saying?  Oh no.

But it seems that I suddenly can't pull away from his gaze.  There's something different about his stare.  He isn't blushing either.  He isn't stammering or trying to talk.  Actually, he is just there, still seated with his seatmate still talking to him!  But he is STILL looking at me straightly without blinking.

Just staring.

And staring.

And stares more.

And then I felt my heart beating a different rhythm.  It seems that world around us suddenly disappears.  All the noise has faded away.  We are enveloped in silence.  The air suddenly feels so warm.  The distance separating us abruptly shortens, like we're just inches apart.  Like if I pull up my hand I could just reach him and touch his face…

Then somewhere in the back of my mind, a hand is poking me.

I blink then looked up.  It is just Hitomi, smirking at me.

"Glad you're finally back.  Professor has just walked in… if you still haven't noticed.  And by the way, we're having Literature as our subject.  Just saying, in case you forgot," she says, gloating.

I scowl at her.

She laughs.  "Of course I totally understand your situation of temporary amnesia.  Who wouldn't not like to be caught under Miyagi's heated gaze?  Oh yes girl, I completely understand."

She is just teasing, I know.  But it's getting to me.  Maybe because I know it's true.  Ryota caught me completely off guard with that look of his.  It was… magnetic.

"And don't you dare deny it to me one more time Ayako," Hitomi says in a hushed voice.  Our teacher has just begun his lesson.  "I saw that," she says in a singsong tone.  Then finally, she leaves me alone, turning her attention to our teacher still with that irritating smile plastered on her face.

So I don't say anything.  I don't deny anything.  Because not only did I saw that, but also I felt it.

I breathe out heavily.  I can feel my cheeks burning.  I looked down at my table because for some reason I can't look in front of me.  

I become aware that my breathing has became somewhat ragged.  I can still feel his eyes upon me, even if he's turned in front of our teacher already.  I can still feel… the heat.

I redden even more.

Am I finally…in love?

Ah.  Ryota Miyagi, what am I going to do with you?

At last, I look up and settled my eyes on him again.  

I can't really tell you anything yet.  You know why?  Not only because I really don't know if what I'm still uncertain as to what I really feel toward you but also because I'm afraid I will only distract you instead of aspire you.  What if you end up not reaching your goals because of me?  I won't like that of course!  I want you to be successful and happy in your future that's why you have to concentrate all your time and effort in what you love doing most, basketball.  And your studies too perhaps.  And especially we're in the same team and class…

I've always remembered what my mother used to say to me countless of times before.  That love and work can never be under a single sentence.  They always have to be separated.  Or maybe my mother is just saying that because of what happened to her and my father?  Whatever.

So now how can I possibly be in love with you Ryota?  I will forever hate myself if I would destroy anyone's dreams, much more yours.

This is just impossible.

I sigh.  Then I bite my lip.  But what if…

What if I'm really in love with you Ryota?           

05.18.2003 + 5.55 pm

The End.

******

Author's Notes:

Sequel or not?  Tell me! 

Shamelessly plugging **The Protector** written by none other than me.  It's another Slam Dunk fanfic I've written.  It's a chaptered story.  Click on my profile to see the link!

Another plug, please join **groups.yahoo.com/group/sdlockerroom**.  It's new!  It's all about Slam Dunk!

The stanza above was from the song "Weak" by SWV.  Whenever I hear this song, it always reminds me of Ayako.  I don't know why. ^_^

~ R                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             


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